I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
