I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
