woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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