it's too hot outside to masturbate.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
