I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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