Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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