shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
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the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
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I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place