I faked an abortion last night.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
So is that a yes?