somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming