Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
