im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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