I cannot find my penis.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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