Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
