My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
