I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
