So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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