it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
