dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
