I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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