when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
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he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
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It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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