he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
