Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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