I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
