I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
