Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
