jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize