I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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