Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
