Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
no, he came in my armpit
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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