we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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