we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
