Dual....:-)
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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