There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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