If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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