Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
