So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
