she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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