don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
