I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she pinky promised me she was 18
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
