sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
