Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
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I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet