What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
