Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
