i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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