fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
