just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
