Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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