i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
