My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
