it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
