hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm like, not good at living.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
