She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
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I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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