You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
