I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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