Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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