literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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