Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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