First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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