HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
