Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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