How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
