so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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