I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
