Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
