Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
