had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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