I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
