I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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