you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
