he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
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