You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
